Who is involved in the adoption process?
Many people consider that adoptive parenting is very much like biological parenting, and in many respects, it is. However, there are also a number of differences. The most significant difference is that there are three parties involved in each adoption - the child, the adoptive parents and the birth parents.
- The adoption triangle
- What are the needs of the parties involved in adoption?
- Activity 3 - The needs and rights of children
- Activity 4 - Gains and losses for the parties involved in adoption
- Activity 5 - Expectations of adoptive parenting
The adoption triangle
For the child - adoption provides a permanent legal family with parents who are able to provide care, while recognising and respecting the child's origins.
For the adoptive parents - adoption offers the opportunity of parenting a child.
For the birth parents - adoption offers an opportunity to plan for the care of their child when the need for a permanent family cannot be met any other way.
The rights of each party must be protected by good adoption practice and legal safeguards. One thing that makes adoptive families unique is the child's biological heritage that links two families together.
Another significant difference between adoptive and biological parenting is that adoption is created through loss. Without loss there would be no adoption. All birth parents, adoptive parents and adopted children experience at least one major, life-altering loss before becoming involved in adoption. All three parties in the adoption triangle experience grief associated with the loss of family, child, dreams and unmet expectations. These experiences, and the way they are accepted and resolved, set the tone for the life-long process of adoption.
What are the needs of the parties involved in adoption?
The needs of the parties involved in adoption - the child, the adoptive parents and the birth parents - are unique to each party.
Child's needs
The needs of the child are:
- having parents and family members who understand, support and assist the child to manage behaviours and feelings which may result from complex, traumatic and uncertain past histories
- having parents and family members who understand, support and assist the child through any identity issues and emotional struggles, particularly through adolescence
- having parents and family members who understand, support and develop the child's positive self-esteem and self-awareness
- having a supportive and nurturing environment to reflect on:
- who they are
- where they belong within their adopted family
- their connection to their biological family, the wider community and their cultural origins
- what adoption means to them as a person
- any feelings of loss, grief and rejection
- having a supportive and nurturing environment to question and explore the reasons surrounding their adoption
- being able to mourn their losses in having no, or very little, knowledge of and connection to their birth parents and extended family members
- having the freedom to engage in conversations about their adoption in a supportive, nurturing and open environment
- having the opportunity to access counselling and other family or community supports as they move through adolescence.
Adoptive parents' needs
The needs of the adoptive parents are:
- having an understanding of child development and the potential impact of adoption on an adopted child's ability to form and maintain strong attachments with their adoptive parents
- acknowledging the issues surrounding adolescence - a time when an adopted child becomes more cognitively and emotionally aware of themselves and will seek to explore issues of self, identity and independence. This can often be an extremely challenging time for an adopted child and their family
- having an ability to talk to their adopted child about their adoption while considering their age, personality and past history
- coming to terms with any grief and loss issues which may have impacted on family members and could, in turn, impact on the attachment and development of an adopted child
- acknowledging the increased complexity of parenting, developing positive relationships and meeting each child's needs when adopting a sibling group of children or where an adopted child is entering a sibling group within a family
- having an ability to manage any unrealistic expectations of an adopted child
- having an ability to continually review, reconsider, and where necessary, adjust, their expectations of an adopted child
- having an ability to acknowledge when to ask for help and support from either formal or informal networks when necessary.
Birth parents' needs
The needs of the birth parents are:
- acknowledging and validating feelings of grief, loss, guilt, humiliation, regret and anger surrounding their decision to place their child for adoption
- dealing with anxiety about what information will be given to their child about them
- having opportunities within a supportive and accepting environment to talk about their own story and feelings
- acknowledging the potential for ongoing sadness and emotional distress, particularly around special occasions such as Mother's Day, Christmas and their child's birthday
- receiving support, understanding and acceptance from family members and friends that is non-judgmental
- having the opportunity to access appropriate family and community supports, particularly at times of crisis.
Activity 3 - The needs and rights of children
In your learning journal, comment on the following questions:
- Do you think that there are specific needs of adopted children? If so, what do you think these specific needs are?
- What do you think are a child's basic needs?
- What do you think the rights of adopted children are? (For example, an adopted child has a right to know their own ethnicity).
- What do you think are the differences between biological and adoptive parenting?
Activity 4 - Gains and losses for the parties involved in adoption
In your learning journal, comment on the following question:
- What do you think are the gains and losses for birth parents, adoptive parents and the adopted child?
Perhaps one of the greatest losses for adoptees is the loss of ability to feel secure and free from the burden of gratefulness. Adoptees have suffered at the hands of society's assumptions that they are almost certainly better off adopted than raised by their birth family. It is difficult to imagine a way that this could be definitively known. Armstrong, 2000
There were definitely gains from the adoption. I know I have had far better opportunities in life than if I had stayed in an orphanage. If I had grown up in Korea, I'd have no chance of a decent life. For orphans, no bloodlines, no status. And I wouldn't give up my family for anything. My parents, even if they irk me, have made a lot of effort. They are good people with the best of intentions DuFour, 2006, p167
Refer to the list of suggested reading for further information.
Activity 5 - Expectations of adoptive parenting
Research suggests there are four major challenges faced by infertile couples preparing to become prospective adoptive parents:
- Mourning the loss of their dream - their inability to conceive children and their status as birth parents.
- They are unlikely to have role models for guiding them through the process of infertility.
- Facing the realisation that their hopes for having a family will be dictated by the input of strangers.
- They have no timetable for planning their future.
In your learning journal, comment on the following questions:
- What are your expectations of yourselves as prospective adoptive parents?
- Do you think that expectations of parenting a child are fixed over time or do you think that they change?
- How do your expectations impact on the image of the child that you view yourself parenting one day?
- What do you intend to do during the long waiting times involved in becoming an adoptive parent?
Next: The adoption process
- Last updated
- 19 October 2007