Developing an attachment with your child
In many instances, adopted children have not experienced early childhood trauma, neglect or abuse. The issues that these children may experience in forming attachments with their adoptive parents will be common for all children.
However, for adopted children who have experienced trauma, neglect or abuse, there are a range of additional complications to overcome in forming an attachment with their adoptive parents. Research suggests that problems associated with attachment are likely to have occurred within the first three years of the child's life.
Adoptive parents are encouraged to consider the following suggestions for developing an attachment with their child:
Infant attachment
- Engage in appropriate physical contact with your child - holding, cuddling, stroking, kissing.
- Develop face-to-face contact with your child, particularly eye contact - play 'peek-a-boo'.
- Respond to and repeat your child's vocal and verbal expressions. Repeat rhymes and songs with your child.
- Use a gentle tone of voice.
- Learn appropriate age-development skills and work with your child to master them.
- Play games.
- Look for and identify characteristics of the child that remind them of themselves or family members.
Older child attachment
- Read a book to your child every day, that you choose together.
- Show interest in your child's development and autonomy and support skill-building efforts and emotional closeness.
- Encourage your child to teach you something that they are good at.
- Be supportive in meeting your child's environmental needs, such as personal preferences in clothing, food and room decoration. Provide guidance in learning proper hygiene and dental care, and respond quickly to illness.
- Balance your priorities so that you can spend time with your child. Engage in activities and ensure that your communication with your child is positive, for example - singing, colouring in, completing a jigsaw.
- Ensure that non-parental child care of your child is warm, consistent and adequately supervised.
- Allow your child to learn new skills independently to gain self-awareness and confidence. Try not to overprotect your child from experiencing normal life frustrations, for example - letting your child make dinner.
- Buy a plant for your child and teach them how to care for it.
- Respond to your child in a warm, loving and nurturing way, and provide comfort to your child in a positive way.
- Find a balance between discipline and love, logic, fairness and consistency - household chores promote responsibility, pride and self-respect.
- Support your child's intellectual, emotional, spiritual and social growth by attending school functions, helping them with homework and encouraging healthy peer and family relationships.
- Tell the story of your child's adoption over and over again.
Refer to the list of suggested reading for further information on attachment.
Activity 5 - The impact of attachment on adopted children
In your learning journal, comment on the following questions:
- What do you think are the short-term and long-term affects of attachment on a child who has resided in an orphanage or institution prior to being adopted?
- Do you think the age of a child who has been placed for adoption affects whether or not they are able to form attachments?
- Does the theory of attachment apply to all adopted children from overseas?
- What methods would you use to develop an attachment with your child?
- Do you think cultural differences influence attachment?
- Last updated
- 19 October 2007