Impact of attachment on adoptive parenting
What is attachment?
Attachment is a developmental process that usually occurs within the first six months of the child's life. If an attachment does not occur within this period, the child is likely to experience difficulty in developing future attachments.
Attachment for an adopted child
A child who is placed with adoptive parents after the first six months of their life are at risk of developing attachment difficulties and disorders. The older the child is at the time of placement, the more likely the child will develop attachment difficulties.,
Infants, children and teenagers who are cautious, act suspiciously or feel unlovable, often behave in ways that provoke rejection. This behaviour has developed as a result of difficult past life experiences.
An adopted child who has lived in a neglectful or abusive family environment is often unable to show or respond to care. The child may be passive and keep to themselves, become very fretful and angry, and is unable to show when they have needs or provide the usual emotional responses to their adopted parents' love.
In these situations, it is not rewarding to care for the child and the adopted parents can feel as if they are failing.
There is no set length of time for a child to form an attachment to their adoptive parents. Adoptive parents should not feel rushed in establishing an attachment with their child, or feel like failures if the attachment takes longer than anticipated.
The most important thing is for them to form an attachment with their adopted child.
Ling's story
Picture for a moment the world of a 12 month old child living in a children's institution in China. She feels an immense longing, a yearning that is completely mysterious to her. She feels intensely alone, except for other welcome bodies that share her cot.
Physically she is often uncomfortable, her sleep frequently disturbed by other children's crying. The home has familiar smells - a strange mixture of cooking, disinfectant and human waste. She already understands the rhythms of Chinese language and music.
Suddenly a nurse takes off her familiar loose-fitting clothes and dresses her in clothes which fit her more closely. She is handed to a smiling woman whose skin is paler than she has ever seen. She is with another white alien smiling face. She is terrified, cries loud and long.
From here everything is unfamiliar compared to anything she's ever known, the sights, sounds, smells and pace of life. The pale-faced people want to hold her all of the time. Why? She screams, terrified by the plane journey.
For Melissa and Gary - Ling's adoptive parents - Ling is not as they imagined in the years leading to picking her up. They are delighted to be parents of such a gorgeous child, thrilled to start a family. They had been told of some of the possible difficulties, but it's another thing to live with these 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
It was such a relief to see Ling's skin clear up and her body weight increase to a normal range. But Ling is in her own separate world and it is hard to reach her. She remains resistant to being held, is very restless and wakes frequently at night. It becomes evident to Melissa and Gary that this is not an ordinary parenting situation.
Further infomation
Refer to the list of suggested reading for further information on the impacts of attachment on adoptive parenting.
- Last updated
- 19 October 2007