Definition of loss and grief
What is loss?
Loss - being deprived of, or coming to be without something that a person has had; a bereavement.
Research suggests there are four categories of loss:
- Loss of a valued or loved person.
- Loss of health, attitude or social role.
- Loss of external objects, such as money.
- Loss that occurs during our normal developmental processes.
The adopted child experiences numerous losses including the loss of their birth parents, birth history, cultural traditions and connections with family members.
It is important that adoptive parents do not place an expectation on their child to be appreciative of the loss they have experienced, especially when the child is likely to experience ongoing feelings of sadness and anger throughout their life.
Allowing the child to grieve for their loss will allow them to adapt to their new family environment.
What is grief?
Grief - the process through which a person passes in order to recover from a loss.
Grieving is a natural and necessary response to the adoption process which will differ significantly for both men and women.
Adoption and loss
The theme of loss persists for all parties involved in the adoption process. Birth parents need to mourn for the child that they have lost. Adoptive parents may need to mourn the loss of the birth child that they might have had. Adopted children need to mourn the loss of their birth family, cultural traditions, birth history and language.
Western society does not readily acknowledge these losses, which results in an unspoken expectation for adults and children affected by adoption to mourn privately. There are no rituals or ceremonies to recognise the losses of adoption and few allowances are made for the parties involved.
- Last updated
- 19 October 2007