Understanding the impact of loss on an adopted child
- Factors that influence a child's reaction to loss
- Adoption, parental divorce and parental death
- Activity 3 - Understanding the impact of loss on an adopted child
- Activity 4 - Randy's story
Factors that influence a child's reaction to loss
Research suggests that the following factors may influence a child's reaction to loss:
- The child's age and stage of development.
- The child's attachment to the parent.
- The parent's bonding to the child.
- Past experiences of separation.
- The child's perceptions of the reasons for the separation.
- The child's preparation for their transition.
- The 'parting message' that the child receives.
- The post-separation environment.
- The child's temperament.
- The environment from which the child is being moved.
Adoption, parental divorce and parental death
Research suggests that the significance of loss as a key factor underlying a child's adjustment is not restricted to adoption. In understanding the role of loss in the adjustment of a child, a comparison should be made between adoption, parental divorce and parental death - all of which are forms of family disruption.
Adoption, parental divorce and parental death differ by six factors:
- Universality - death is a universal experience compared to adoption and divorce.
- Permanence - death is irreversible, whereas adoption and divorce can potentially be reversed.
- Relationship with the lost person - death and divorce involve a history of interaction between a child and the lost person.
- Voluntary and involuntary circumstances - adoption and divorce involve presumed voluntary decisions by the parents whereas death does not.
- Extent of the loss - adopted children experience the loss of birth parents and family members, their culture, their connection to their adoptive parents and a loss of self.
- Community acknowledgement of loss and the support offered to the bereaved person - death is a universally recognised loss, whereas adoption and divorce are not universally recognised.
Activity 3 - Understanding the impact of loss on an adopted child
In your learning journal, comment on the following questions:
- Do you think there are any similarities between adoption, parental divorce and parental death? If so, what are they? If not, what do you think are the differences?
- What is your understanding of the impact of loss on an adopted child?
- In what ways do you think a child's experience of loss will be expressed at various stages of development?
- Do you think there should be rituals or ceremonies to recognise and acknowledge the losses experienced by adopted children? If so, how do you think this could be done within your family?
Activity 4 - Randy's story
Randy hesitated on the footpath bordering the front yard. Then she stepped carefully through the litter-cluttered yard and climbed the uneven steps to the door. She was apprehensive and scared. Did she really want to go in? It was hard to believe that this day had come. All her life she had tucked away questions about her birth parents. Today, she would finally get some answers.
Randy had only been four years old when she and her older sister walked out the door of an orphanage hand in hand with two strangers. Those two strangers were to be their new father and mother. The children were given no further explanations. They just left.
By the time Randy was five years old, her adoptive parents had finalised her adoption. Like many people, Randy's adoptive parents believed that when a child is adopted at such a young age, the door is shut on the past. Some assume that all issues surrounding a child's earlier life are erased and the child enters their new family with a blank state. However, like many adopted children, Randy's experience brought only a lifetime of questions.
'Why did my birth parents leave me? Do I have other sisters and brothers? Who do I look like?'
These questions gnawed away at her feeling of wellbeing, attacking sensitive and deep issues in self-esteem and personal identity. She felt robbed of a sense of belonging.
'Although I knew my adoptive parents loved me, I felt that pieces of my life were scattered and no-one knew where they were. I had to find them,' she said.
In your learning journal, comment on the following questions:
- Randy speaks about the loss of her birth family and of not knowing about her genetic background. What other losses do you think Randy has experienced throughout her life?
- Last updated
- 19 October 2007